Is a long-distance relationship for me?
The success of a long-distance relationship depends on the interpretation of the individuals involved. If you were raised in a family where a member being absent was a regular occurrence, then you are more likely to adapt well to being in a long-distance relationship. Alternatively being raised in a very close family and never being apart could cause problems as you will be used to always having loved ones close by. Also, if you have been hurt in the past by a partner going away for a little while, only to find they never actually returned, then it is more than likely that you won’t cope well with a long-distance relationship.
A vast majority of people associate love with being near someone and being able to be with them physically. As long as you have trust, then a long-distance relationship can work for you. Trust is the key to making it work, without trust there is no point in even trying to make it work as you will end up being miserable and constantly thinking about what your partner is doing, which is not healthy for you.
Communication is a must if a long-distance relationship is to work for you; both before and during. You need to talk openly and honestly to your partner; tell them how you feel and try to sort out a solution between yourselves. Discuss both the positive and the negative issues you may have. If you feel resentment, tell them. The only way you can start to sort things out is if you tell them your honest feelings, plus finding out their feelings can help you understand and accept the situation.
If your partner is moving away, ask them every question on your mind before they go. Make sure you know for certain where you stand with each other, especially when it comes to being exclusive to each other. You don’t want to risk there being confusion and hurt in the future if you assumed you were being exclusive and your partner had other ideas, so make sure you discuss this beforehand.
During a long-distance relationship, it is important that you both make an effort to communicate. Communication every day of some sort is will help to keep the relationship strong. Communication can be talking on the phone, sending a text message, writing a letter, sending an email, sending a photo or even sending a little gift every so often as a surprise. Daily communication will help to keep the emotional connection alive.
Discussing the future together is a great way to help you deal with being apart. If you know that your long-distance relationship is temporary, then it can be easier to cope with. Having a future to focus on can make all the difference, for both people involved.
If communication is one-sided or has become infrequent, then it may be time to talk to your partner and find out what has happened. It is possible that being apart has made you grow apart, possibly due to a breakdown of communication. This is why it is so important to stay in touch and keep your emotional connection alive. You must be open with each other; if you feel the long-distance relationship isn’t working for you, you must tell your partner. It isn’t fair for them to believe that you are still there for them. You must re-evaluate your relationship, accept the truth and be prepared to let go.
Long Distance Relationships – The Do’s
- Talk through any concerns you have with your partner.
- Be open and honest about your feelings towards a long-distance relationship.
- Keep communication alive, preferably on a daily basis if possible by phone, text, email, send a letter or by sending a present to let your partner know that you are thinking about them.
- Arrange to meet up whenever you can. This will give you something to look forward to and focus on.
- Trust your partner. Trust is the key to a successful relationship, long distant or not. A perfectly healthy relationship can be destroyed by a lack of trust.
- Reassure your partner that you miss them and can’t wait to be near them again. Reassurance is essential with long-distance relationships.
- Share the same experiences simultaneously, such as watching the same programme on TV or the same DVD and discuss them afterwards. You could also visit the cinema on the same day and watch the same film.
- Make the most of the time you have alone. It may be difficult being apart from your partner, but it is healthy to have time alone, so enjoy every moment of it.
- Spend time with your friends and family. You will have more time on your hands so put it to good use and maintain a good social life.
- Stay positive. Being positive about the long-distance relationship will help to make your partner feel the same way. Being positive will help to make you both feel secure.
Long Distance Relationships – The Don’ts
- Don’t expect your partner to know how you feel about living so far apart. You need to tell them exactly how you feel.
- Don’t be jealous. Jealously is not attractive and can be disastrous for a healthy relationship.
- Don’t demand to know where your partner is every minute of the day and who they are with. Interrogating them will only show that you don’t trust them.
- Don’t slack on your communication and assume that your partner knows that you are missing them. Unless you tell them, they won’t know.
- Don’t cheat on your partner. Just because they aren’t nearby it doesn’t mean they will never find out or get hurt. Having distance between you doesn’t give you the right to cheat.
- Don’t constantly phone your partner. It is acceptable to ring in an evening or send a couple of text messages, but phoning your partner throughout the day is bordering stalking.
- Don’t have great expectations of your reunion just in case you end up disappointed.
- Don’t continue with the long-distance relationship if it isn’t working out for you. It isn’t fair to keep your partners hopes up.