Dating Friends

By Deborah Dixon - published:

Should I date a friend?

Before you ask out a friend you need to be certain you are ready to take your friendship further and be able to deal with the possibility of rejection. You must make a judgement on the situation whether you feel it’s a good idea to ask them out. Ask yourself if you have feelings for them romantically or if you simply enjoy being around them as a friend. It can be confusing figuring out your feelings, so it is important you are clear about how you feel towards your friend before you disclose your feelings otherwise you risk ruining a good friendship. If you are unsure whether to take a friendship further, take a look at the following points to help you make your decision.

Dating a Friend – The Positives

  • As you are friends already you miss out the whole “getting to know them” process.
  • If you have known them for a long time before dating, you will know them very well, which is something that can take years for other couples.
  • You don’t have to spend time, money or effort going out to meet someone.
  • You don’t have the daunting task of approaching them for the first time.
  • You will know if they are actually single.
  • If the friend you are dating is from your circle of friends, then you won’t have the problem of your date and friends not getting along.

Dating a Friend – The Negatives

  • If your friend isn’t interested in starting a relationship it can become awkward and possibly even end your friendship.
  • If things don’t work out between you then you risk losing both your friendship and your friend. You can never go back to how your relationship was before you started dating.
  • You might feel you know your friend really well, but it is completely different knowing someone romantically. They might be a perfect friend, but not such a perfect partner.
  • If a relationship doesn’t work out, then you risk causing a rift between your mutual friends who may feel they have to take sides.
  • If your other friends find out about your intentions before you’ve had a chance to discuss it with your friend, there’s a chance they will be informed by your other friends and you might find yourself being avoided, which is the opposite effect you want.
  • If a relationship does develop, be prepared for others in your group of friends not to be so enthusiastic about your new romance.

Dating a Friend - The Do’s and Don’ts

  • Be certain that you want to start a relationship with your friend before you mention it. If you aren’t sure, then you risk changing and possibly ruining a perfectly good friendship.
  • Think of all the possible consequences of dating your friend and be prepared to deal with them.
  • Don’t ask your friend out just because you feel lonely or you have recently split up with someone else, this will only lead to one or both of you getting hurt.
  • Be upfront and clear about your feelings when you ask them out, which will help reduce any confusion or mixed signals.
  • Just because you have a good friendship doesn’t automatically mean you will have a prefect relationship, so never assume you will live happily ever after.
  • Keep in mind that your group of friends could be affected by your choice to ask out a friend.
  • Tell your circle of friends about your relationship with a mutual friend quite early on otherwise they might feel you have been keeping secrets from them.
  • When you go out on a date try to go to places that aren’t associated with your group of friends; you want your date to be about just the two of you.
  • Never discuss your relationship issues with mutual friends; it can be awkward and embarrassing for everyone involved.
  • Try to avoid group dates; you want to have precious time without others to allow the two of you to bond romantically.
  • If you are aware that your friend doesn’t want a long-term relationship don’t kid yourself into thinking you can change that. They will probably treat you as they have treated past partners and you might have witnessed this.

Can a Relationship between friends be successful?

If both of you are serious about being in a relationship together and determined to make it work, then there is no reason why you can’t have a successful relationship. Often the basis to a successful relationship is a good friendship.